Saturday 25th of Sept.

today I'm wondering why ppl elicit help/assistance, yet don't want to hear your response or suggestions?  I've learned the hard way in life that even the best of friends may ask for advice, but rather hear what they want verses the truth.  I've lost alot of friends that way..but then again, i guess they aren't truly friends are they?  I always ask now, do you want me to tell you the truth, do u want me to tell you what you want to hear, or do u just need someone to listen to?  cause i can do all of them! :0) 

So Im a an undisclosed place today and a woman notices my badge (yes I as working today) and she asks what I do for a living.  Funny she could read the company and my name but not that it says intensive in home therapist/intensive in home clinician. So anyoo, i proceed to tell her what I generally do.  She talks for some time about her son, her sisters kids, and every kid she knew that "acted" bad.  she then asked what she should do.  When do I ask for the 256.00 fee per hour?  just wondering.  i was at a training and the trainer stated that he never tells anyone what he does for a living because this happens to him often.  I of course having to say something said that i never lie about what i do because i love it and i am proud of it.  POINT TAKEN Mr cognitive behavior therapy instructor.

So why do I need to lie about something i would do for free?  how do i respond when i really dont want to complete therapy with complete strangers? i mean some days, like today, yesterday, Thursday..you get the idea, i just don't want to talk about work.  I am so overwhelmed and overworked right now that i rather be sitting on the couch surfing meaningless and mindless channels of shit television.  Yet, I try to sit still....and find something to do.

what do you think?  I think Im ADHD after reading this
Peace love and blood of Christ LOL

Beginner

Well, this is the first time I have tried this.  I've been told I should write a blog, but I don't really know why.  I honestly don't think too many ppl care to read what I think, but who knows.  If anything it would be good therapy for myself :0)

So today is friday September 24, 2010.  I am not going into the office today becasue Im fucking tired, though I have a client I have to go see at 4p today.  I love what I do, but as always, I do too much.  I over extend myself ALL THE TIME when it comes to my job(s) no matter what I do, I take on too much, then I become resentful.  Am I trying to fill a void? Probably, but hell at least Im not shopping to fill this void any longer.  I have been single (and I MEAN SINGLE) since November, which is  when I moved to NC.  Which I guess is ok..but I ponder, will I ever get married and have my own children to screw up? I really want kids to practice how to screw more shit up, Im good at that sometimes lol. So ppl at my job have told me, you need to write down what you want and dcont want in a relationship.  Hummmm is there validity to this I wonder?  Ill have to think of that criteria and get to ya.


My question is: ya know Indifference can be a sad place to live. Do we actually live there? Or do we just use it as a defense mechanism to cope with the reality of pain? Is it an emotional band-aid or is it a sign of internal change?

So welcome to um, I guess welcome to my blog.  Pretty soon Ill use this as a venting tool, or to comment about the bullshit I see and hear in this strange city called Fayetteville..
peace love and 40oz of 45